im dropping an album in January

big epic

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Blacks Are Ruining CP Armies

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Possible Merge?

Now, first of all, my apologies to whoever wrote the article on SMAC. After all that writing, I make this post a day later. Sorry.


So…we’re probably going to merge soon, but don’t worry. I’ll be merging into another one of my armies. There are 2 options.

1. The Red Miners


2. The School Shooters of CP

I’m probably going to go with the Red Miners because that has potential to be an actual army. I wouldn’t even mind it if we maxed 8 at every event. At least it’s a legitimate army.

As for the School Shooters, that is obviously a troll army…and the only reason I would ever choose that one is because of the name.

(and I do really like the name)


So uh, if I decide to merge I’ll make another post. K bye

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The State of IToW, and armies as a whole.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this army. I’ve reopened and recreated this army so many times over the last 2 years. I’ve had a lot of fun during that time, and a lot of memories were made. Although it has been fun in the past, there is still one question that I have, and I can’t seem to think of an answer for it.

The State of Club Penguin Armies (Should I try this again?)

The CPA Community is like a penis with erectile dysfunction. We slap at it, poke it with a stick, put it in a few mouths, but no matter what we do we can’t seem to get it erect.

Now, you might think that reopening this army is a step in the right direction. That it could help us become erect again. And that may be true, more new armies show an increase in activity…but…do we really need another army? There’s enough people in this community to fill about 3-5 large armies. That’s it. The other armies basically irrelevant at this point. All of them are either made up of a mixture of the larger armies, or from some new wannabe new kids that want to see their army reach the top…even though that army will most likely be dead within 2-3 weeks. Sorry, the truth hurts.

What can this garbage troll army bring to the community?

I think of The Illuminazi Tits of War as a safe haven. A place to get away from the the rules that may be holding back your true army potential. Are you angry? Do you want to spam the chat with the word nigger? Well, you can do that here! Jack off your millimeter e-peter, and fill us with a nice creamy load of the edgy-ness you possess. Itits of war is place to have unlimited amounts of fun, with little to no restrictions.  Also, we’re able to pull off some pretty damn good events. Ignore the events on our site currently. Those were just feeble attempts to recapture the glory of our once powerful empire. Back when we were in our prime, our…golden era if you will, we truly were a force to the reckoned with. For a short period of time, we were the largest S/M army…and after that…well...

What happened to the mighty empire?

That is a good question indeed. Why did an army doing so well at the time fall so quickly? Well, take a look at the 2 things that I personally think are killing us.

  1. Lack of Motivation
  2. Lack of Loyalty

These are all things we are familiar with. This army, and many others have suffered and fallen from these 2 things alone.

1. Lack of Motivation

After a while, things became…stale. The leadership at the time, which was just myself and a friend of mine, didn’t have much to give to the troops. While plenty of armies reward their troops, or have parties and such afterwards, this army had none of that.  My friend, (Bulbasaur101) and I didn’t really have the time or the resources to offer these troops anything. This, eventually caused a few people to leave. And in this day and age, losing a few people might very well be the death of your army.

2. Lack of Loyalty

This one sort of goes along with the whole “Lack of Motivation” thing. The lack of reward had actually caused quite a few troops to slowly switch armies. There was a noticeable change. People that had been very active in the past few weeks were suddenly started missing events. Why? Well, I can’t really tell you. Plently of people left without warning. We had gone from maxing 15-20 to about 5-7 in a matter of days. Now, this may have been happening because the Illuminazi Troops were joining other armies, hoping they would win that membership after the event was over. And, like I said earlier, this was just something we couldn’t offer at the time


Club Penguin is dead.

That’s all that needs to be said. We’re sort of beating a dead horse here. There’s really no hope for armies anymore. Not in this state. The Lack of Motivation and Loyalty surely do contribute to this. All I see within our community is people complaining about how armies are dying, and how much better it used to be in the old days. Now, while I do agree with that, what the fuck are you doing to stop it? Most people sit there, and complain…and then do absolutely nothing to try and stop the issue. This, is lack of motivation. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, we have people hopping armies, people getting betrayed and tossed out in the street, being forced to eat their own shit because they can’t afford food anymore after being fired from their army. This is the lack of loyalty.

Half of us are fighting each other, while the other half sits there and watches all we’ve made over the past 10 years burn.

I feel like none of us, myself included are doing what we can to keep US alive.

The Lack of Motivation and Loyalty is what is holding The Illuminazi Tits of War back, and the rest of us back from doing what needs to be done the most.


Just thought it needed to be said,

~Papa Crit

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The REAL Return Event!

This was the greatest event in CP Army history.

Those who disagree will be sent to the gas chamber

(Gosh darn, that was pretty edgy)


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The REAL Return Event is Today!

YES! THE LAST ONE WAS A FLUKE! A FLUKE! I don’t even know if the last one made it on any top tens because I didn’t give enough of a shit to actually look! But this time I do!

Event is 9/24/16 (Today!)

Time: 12:30 EST

Other Time Zones can figure it out! I don’t give a shit about you!

Judging from the state of CP Armies recently,i f we max more than 0…this is a success!

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The Return Event


CPAC 1st?

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The Return of The Illuminazi Order

After I, Critical, left CPA to pursue my dream of becoming the dankest YouTuber alive, I couldn’t help but feel as if there was something missing. Like there was a hole in me.

Turns out, that hole was actually just my urethra, and Danny DeVito had been fingering it for the last seventeen minutes.

The Illuminazi Tits Are Back, Bitches.


Welcome Home.

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